Sunscapes

I wrote a new song for you to listen to!

http://natalierobin.bandcamp.com/track/sunscapes

Forgive Me, I Know Not What I Do

Sometimes when I read other writers I wonder why I bother. Same goes for music, or really any method of which I know how to create. There’s so much talent in the world and though it doesn’t exactly pose itself as competition, I often feel as though I’ve been beat out anyway in knowing I will never be as good as some things, even if I dedicate myself solely to the cause of my art(s).

While I’d like to think “Oh I’m just different”, “I just do that differently”, I am not so delusional. I think we obviously have relatively clear standards of what is great and what is not, I think even extending so far as to believe there is greatness in things we don’t even necessarily like on a subjective level ie Moby Dick.

I think as appreciators of art we employ our own curve of forgiveness, understanding that the really good local band we went to see one night will never be as good as Led Zeppelin, or that our children’s finger paintings are not Monet (sorry deluded parents) though the experiences might render similar excitement. While I don’t want to bank on this forgiveness in hoping someone likes something I do or make, it’s nice to know it’s there and that maybe as I engage in these little exercises to become better, I am pardoned for my weaknesses and enjoyed anyway. I continue to remind myself that inspiring another person is one of the hardest emotional transactions to complete. If I start the fire for just one person, just once in life, I would consider myself lucky.

Conversations With Friends

Sent at 12:19 PM on Friday

me: you’re such a romantic
always romanticizing
i love it

friend:  i just want to have someone and know that we will be together forever
and never have to wonder about that
and i want someone to think of me as the love of their life

me:  you will have it

friend:  like that couple I told you about
their love is unconditional
they were so cute to be around
i was just like…damn, they really love each other
how often do you see love like that

me:  not often enough
there are so many fucking rules
i wish people WOULD just love each other

My Hunted Sunrise

Since I woke up so early yesterday, I couldn’t help but fall asleep early again last night, in part because I was listening to Electric Ladyland and it was so dreamy, and also because I just couldn’t stay awake. I didn’t mind at all perpetuating this early to bed early to rise, wake-sleep cycle, as I got to go on another adventure when I again woke up before 6am.

Since it was to be a clear morning I was determined to see the sunrise, so I figured I may as well head somewhere towards Twin Peaks and see what vistas I could find. After many winding roads and much confusion as to where I was going, I first ended up in some ambiguous place with absolutely no idea where I was and clearly no view. I didn’t bother exploring because I still had to be to work at 8:30 and the prospect of getting lost in the woods, though enticing, wasn’t an option. It smelled really wonderful though.

I continued in my car feeling slightly defeated because it was already 7:00am, and I was totally lost. In my disappointment in thinking I wouldn’t see the sunrise, I kept going to hopefully get even a flicker of it filtered through the many obstructions whilst driving. As I circled around neighborhoods I was unfamiliar with I finally came to a street that said “Skyview”, which sounded literal and promising enough to take my chances. This took me to “Cityview” which finally led me to “Midcrest”, and the fact that there was a sign at Midcrest letting me know there was no outlet, seemed all the more reason to go down it.

I was glad I did, because when I parked at the end I found a path and a sign telling me to stay on that path, the guidance of which I was thankful for at that point. I went up a small muddy hill and found a set of wooden stairs that led me to a guard rail, which I obviously hopped and crossed an empty, paved road leading to more wooden stairs that had been nested into the side of an even bigger hill. As I walked toward my uncertain destination I saw an orange glow start to fill up bits of the terrain and realized there was a very real sunrise about to happen just within my reach. I bolted up the enormous, stair-laden hill and found myself at the top, completely out of breath, just as the sun was peeking over the eastern view from what I realized was the South Summit of Twin Peaks.

I spent a good half an hour up there just slowly moving in circles to take in the view which put Downtown, Sutro Tower, and my hunted sunrise all within sight. I found myself smiling often simply because I couldn’t contain how good it felt. A man did come up with his shouldered bike at one point and it ruined my moment ever-so-slightly, but I came around to sharing it with him.

Songs

Writing music is like chasing a high. This obviously sounds cliche, but it is the best correlation I can think of. You crave it, you do it, it starts to feel good until you start to struggle, you can’t stop doing it despite that you’re struggling, and in the end you’re just goddamn tired — not entirely sure if you ever want to do it again, but knowing that you will anyway.

I have gone years where I almost never picked up a guitar or wrote a single lyric to a single song, and now that I am again, it is pretty astounding how quickly it becomes a very addictive undertaking. I can’t stop thinking about it and wanting to do it all the time and hating my day job because it takes time away from it. Thankfully, I think this is a much healthier addiction than other ones, assuming it doesn’t drive me mad. It may have already done this though, as I did the last of my recording in a closet yesterday to get away from the noise.

If you’d like to listen to what I did in this closet, you can hear it here: Tough

Astrological Tendencies

I got new guitar strings from Amazon in the mail last night. I don’t particularly like online shopping. I am not a compulsive shopper, but definitely impulsive when I do buy something, so waiting for something in the mail sounds tedious to me. Nonetheless, I was pleased that they came and despite giving myself a few battle wounds in removing the old, very rusted strings that were on it, it now sounds like heaven and was worth the blood.

I have been very motivated to write more music as of late. Unfortunately, that desire comes with my very reliable tendencies of changeability and indecision. I am a Libra true to heart in that regard.  Having so many ideas is a blessing in as much as it is a curse. Maybe I need some Adderall.

Other than that, I am looking forward to pursuing these new musical endeavors (for as long as my attention holds). I feel lately as though I have a lot to translate into my music, as life continues to be forever-weird and wonderful. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

When life hands you lemons, make art.

Thanks to everyone who read and shared my last blog. There were a lot of you according to my dashboard, and I appreciate the support wholeheartedly. I have been thinking about what I would write as a follow up to it, but then I thought it would be a good opportunity to post a song I wrote and recorded that was somewhat inspired by the situation. Some people may have already heard it, as I posted it at the start of the new year on my tumblr. I haven’t made a music page since the glory days of myspace, but I am hoping to get one together soon to share music more regularly.

click to listen