Breathing for Breath

by Natalie Robin

I’ve been seriously treading the mud of my mind lately trying to understand the nature of moving on. What needs to happen cognitively in order to truly do this? What patterns of thinking need to be broken? How do you stop wanting things that are not good for you? How do you stop being affected by things that are inherently unsatisfying? Why do we even keep indulging in things that are both not good for you and unsatisfying? Why is moving on like the hardest damn thing on the planet? I remember my Aunt once telling me something so simple when I was having a conversation with her about family and life and stuff,

“You just need to take a breath and let it go.”

This didn’t mean immediately drop it and pretend like it doesn’t exist, because obviously if you’re in a situation where you feel trapped despite the deprivation of your desires, or you are plagued by some pestilent person or emotion, you have to walk the often long-road of healing to quell the leverage it has over you. What I think she meant, is being sentient and taking a moment to stop where you are and be like, why the fuck am I allowing this to happen to me? Then in that same moment, telling yourself you’re okay, you’re human and we are allowed to be sad and confused more often than social pressures allow us to be. After this, you take that big, fat, deep breath and shed off what is suffocating you, whether it be emotionally, spiritually, intellectually. I always imagine that the breath carries my demons, and the air outside of me somehow evaporates them. I feel lifted. Even if it only gets me through a single hour of a single day, sometimes we just aren’t ready to move on, which is okay too, and this stupid, metaphorical breath is better than nothing.