Reasons I need a boyfriend

by Natalie Robin

  1. To paint the nails on my dominant hand
  2. So that I’m not lying when street-creeps ask if I’m single
  3. Foreverbraids
  4. To regularly measure my height against the wall to help me check if I’ve grown despite the fact that we both know I’m 25, in denial and have obviously stopped
  5. So my next kitty has two parents
  6. Someone to go out and get me coffee on days I am especially ugly
  7. Someone to let me practice spells on them
  8. Pierre and Marie Curie
  9. So I always have an available dance partner
  10. Someone to hug me and tell me to man-up when I’m being a wimp